A Curious Statistical Anomaly

It’s been a mad house here all day. The napping thing seemed to do the trick. I’m still a bit behind but the magazines are done and will be online and live at midnight or July 1st. (There may be a tweak or two done tomorrow for the things that came in too late for me to deal with tonight–but they’re going live anyway.)

Check them out:

SFRevu — all things science fiction and fantasy

Gumshoe Review — mystery,  thrillers, and related.

TechRevu — updates articles on Mondays and news items everyday.

Now it’s time for me to gear up and go battle the Insomnia beast into submission — I’d say sleep or die but I’m still working on that napping thing. Good night and let me know what you think of the zines.

Guess you all know where I’ll be for the next 24 plus hours. Sitting in front of a computer screen pulling out hair I can’t afford to lose, wondering if that word should be hyphenated, why can’t people at least run the spellchecker (I mean if it pops up on my browser in red — that should be a hint right)?

Why oh why did I wait so long to get my stuff pressed and polished — I should have known that at least 10 more things would pop into my “need to check it now” stack at the last minute and they did…

Deep breath. I need a nap. It’s already been a long day. Tomorrow at midnight the zines go live. Beware the anticipation… Breathe.

I think after that nap, I’m making a pot of coffee with triple scoops of COFFEE…maybe with coffee syrup and coffee flavoring. I might even add chocolate. But first the nap…provided I can get to sleep.

Insomnia. I hate it. I deal with it a few times a month. I haven’t had coffee or caffeine in four days thinking that was it and I still haven’t slept more than 2-4 hours a night lately. I’ve decided to change my attitude. I’ll now be taking a nap tonight. Not sleeping mind you just napping for 2 or 4 hours. See. It’s not insomnia now, it’s planned. I’m not trying to sleep. (I’m using reverse psychology on my sleep engine — do you think it will work? ) Anyway, it’s not like I don’t have plenty to do in the next 24 hours anyway.

Maybe it could be a song, I haven’t slept much in during the last two nights. I spend time in bed, but just don’t manage to drop down deep enough in sleep to dream. I toss and turn and turn and toss and finally get up and read or watch something. Sometimes I really wish I had something that showed — some problem so that people could look at me and think: she’s in pain, let’s go easy on her. But I don’t.  I look healthy. Even when on that blasted scale of pain from 1 to 10 when the pain is a 7 or 8, I look perfectly normal. I’ve learned to hide mostly.

My poor husband puts up with the whimpers and the tears. He tries to comfort, but it’s now day three of pain level 6 or 7, and I’m beginning to wonder if the the pain itself is driving the new pain. I don’t have any pain meds left that work on this. I’ve got Imitrex nasal spray and last night, since I had a whopping migraine on top of the muscle aches, I used it. So after the Imitrex and 7 extra-strength Tylenol, I managed to get 2 1/2 hours of sleep.

I’m whining. I know I am. But I’m sick of the American medical system that ignores people in chronic pain. If I hear “Go to your happy place” or “you don’t need pain medication, you just need to change your attitude”, I’ll scream. I’d like to say: let me take this hammer and smash it into your hand with all my might, then you can go to your happy place and adjust your attitude, but for heaven’s sake don’t take any pain meds because that’s a crutch and it might be addicting.

I’m going to have to ask for pain meds again on my next doctor’s visit. My last Rx ran out over a year ago and I’ve been very sparing on the last 30 pills. I’m not in the market to get addicted. I just want a good night’s sleep once in a while. When the pain level is around 4, I usually can handle it, but these last few days are making me feel like something the cat dragged in after a particularly energetic bout of “play”.

So, I hate to be such a wimp but gee, I got to vent sometime to someone. Doesn’t make me feel any better physically, but I do feel better emotionally. So, just how do you handle pain without pain killers? Grit your teeth. Find a happy place. Beg for medication. Sit in the dark and cry? Just wondering how other fibromyalgia, migraineurs, or just people living with chronic pain cope.