A Curious Statistical Anomaly

Saturday was the worst flare up of Fibromyalgia pain I’ve had in over a year. After I woke myself up whimpering, the day seems to slide down a very steep hill.

At first it was my lower back and I took aspirin. Several hours later I’d upgraded to a big pain killer — no difference in pain level. I’m talking 8 to 9 on the 1-10 pain scale. A second big pain pill and a muscle relaxer and I managed to get it down to about a 5. Other than infrequent weeping from the pain — I thought I handled it pretty well.

I didn’t snap at anyone. I didn’t go and sit in the dark closet and hope the world would go away. I even managed to talk to company as if my brain actually functioned. Of course since the company was a friend who was well aware of my Fibro short-coming, I was given a bit of leeway when my attention span seemed a bit shorter than a 2-year-old after four bowls of sugar-laden cereal in a room full of shiny things.

Today, I’m happy to say, I’m back to my usual 3 and finding myself unusually grateful for it. I hope that I don’t have another flare up of this magnitude ever. Yet, I know that I probably will and there’s very little I can do to prepare or avoid it. Thinking over the past several weeks, I can’t see anything that I’ve done that would have triggered it. I’ve been very careful to avoid strenuous activities except in very small doses and with proper warm ups — that includes carrying wash up and down stairs, housework, washing floors, changing beds, cooking, etc.. I keep things to short 15-30 minute intervals with a rest period in between where I relax and rest (read, knit, work on the computer…).

I survived a very bad Saturday that stretched into a bad night. Today, Sunday, the world looks a lot better to me. Maybe I appreciate it more in contrast because today is grey and gloomy but none the less, today was and is a beautiful day.

If Fibro has taught me anything it’s that no matter how bad it gets, if you just hold on long enough, you’ll come out on the other side. You won’t be cured. You won’t be pain free. But, you’ll be alive and the world will look a lot brighter because it won’t be as bad it was. I now have a new benchmark for “bad” and I don’t think I’ll forget about it any time soon. So, every day that’s better than Saturday will be a good day.

Today has been a real challenge. Most of last week I kept having lower back pain on top of the usual fibromyalgia issues. It was constant pain with, now and then, a bad twinge. Finally, today I just couldn’t take it anymore and took a muscle relaxer.

I figured I’d been thinking it was kidneys and drinking water like crazy but it still hurt and every bend and lift was…let’s just say not fun. So, the muscle relaxer. It helped. So, I’m guessing it was the muscles in my lower back all the time and while I was trying to take it easy lifting anything I was probably just making it worse ignoring it. I’m a bit floaty but the pain is now in that “over there” place. You know — you’re in pain and you know it but it’s like one step to the side of you so while it’s here, it’s over there and ignorable.

Meanwhile, we’ve got all the ornaments off the tree and packed. We’ve managed to get all the branches smooched together. Next we need to take it apart and wrap it up for storage. That’s the sticky point with my back as it is. Guess that waits a bit until either I feel better or Hyperion tackles it on his own.

I really hate it when the spoon just get all used up while I still have a full TO DO list and lots of day left over. Meanwhile, I’m doing mindless knitting on my sock — the stocking knit bit in the foot so I’ve got 3 more inches before I have to think about the heel.

I really need many more spoons in my life. So much time so little energy and so few hours not in pain. Okay, I’m whinging again but darn it sometimes you just have to get it out so you can move on.

Okay, this has nothing to do with muscle pain, but a lot to do with mental anguish. Gayle and I watched two sci-fi movies today. Supernova and The Black Hole. Neither are the “classic” by that name, but newer and if anything, worse. Worse because you’d think after all this time movies could actually afford to have a science adviser that could tell them they’re making complete idiots of themselves. Actually, maybe they do have advisers. Just because you have one doesn’t mean you have to listen to them. And in these cases, they most certainly didn’t. Let’s take a second to hit the highlights on the lack of any conformity to high school level physics knowledge.

First in Supernova we have our sun about to go supernova. Okay, we can stop right there. Our sun would need to be about half again its current mass at the very least, so the very premise is already impossible. But wait, there’s more. Why is it going supernova? Because a planetoid crashed into it. Never mind the fact that you could dump the rest of the solar system (which, including ALL the planets, is less than 0.2% of the mass of the sun) into it without causing much more than a ripple. But no, this single planetoid has “punched a hole” in the sun and caused it to become unstable. The instability causes Coronal Mass Ejections which, for some unexplained reason, seem to be aimed at the Earth time and time again. But wait, there’s more. Despite the fact that CME’s are huge energetic clouds of gas larger than the Earth itself, in the movie, they arrive as swarms of little fireballs that rain down and blow up individual buildings. UGH! And the solution to the problem of the impending supernova requires a suspension of disbelieve far above the capacity of this viewer. In most ways, the biggest problems with this movie revolve around the fact that the writers were incapable of understanding anything about the scope of what they were trying to meddle with.  The sun is just too big to fiddle with, and CMEs are just to big and diffuse to cause any problems on less than a hemispheric scale.

Next up is The Black Hole, in which an “accident” with a particle collider causes a black hole to form in St. Louis. Obviously based of the nonsensical ravings against the Large Hadron Collider, this movie quickly goes from the absurd to the disparagingly laughable. Quick lecture in two points. First: The energies produced by the Large Hadron Collider are of a lesser order of magnitude  then the energetic collisions taking place every second in our upper atmosphere between air molecules and cosmic rays. If those collisions haven’t created a black hole in the last few billion years, the LHC isn’t going to be any worry. Second: Assuming a black hole was formed, it would be a microscopic black hole which would flash out of existence in a few microseconds due to Hawking Radiation. Despite what you may have learned about black holes, they do actually emit energy due to quantum mechanical effects at the event horizon. And the smallerl the hole, the faster they evaporate.

So in the movie, we have an impossible event, creating something that wouldn’t actually be of any danger at all.  Furthermore, any black hole that did form, would be subject to gravity like anything else. And since gravity is a universally attractive force, the black hole would fall into the earth (the larger gravity field) and make its way to the core in no time at all before being snuffed by the aforesaid laws of physics. But that would make a short and pointless movie. So instead we get a full scale black hole, hovering over the ground, and eating St. Louis. Interestingly enough, the black hole appears to think (like Khan in Star Trek 2) in two dimensions. Instead of gobbling everything up all around it, it swirls like water going to down the kitchen sink, slowly expanding outwards, but letting helicopters fly over it with impunity. Now we get the part that REALLY doesn’t make any sense. If we ignore physics (and boy do we ever), there’s not much one can do to stop a black hole that’s on the rampage. So we get the addition of an alien entity that uses the black hole as a transit system from planet to planet, and feeds it by sucking in electricity. And “all” we have to do to save the Earth is kick the alien back through the black hole and all will be well again. Gayle and I yelled the solution at the TV about 15 minutes in when the alien first started moving around. Pity it took until 15 minutes from the end for the protagonist to think of it as well.

Okay, that’s enough ranting for now. But be warned, there are two more movies in the collection, and as soon as my craw can take it, we’ll dive into those stinkers as well. When? You’ll be the second to know.

Today, I went to pick up my prescriptions. I’m on some maintenance medications because asthma and other things. So, I get there and find out my insurance decided to not pay for one of the inhalers. The same inhaler medication I’ve been on for almost two years. The cost with the drug coverage — $165.00 per month.

Needless to say, I didn’t pick it up. If you’ve read my open letter to congress about medical coverage, you know that my out of pocket with the, in point of fact, very good medical health insurance that I have is around 10-14K per year as it is. I can’t deal with the insurance company anymore — I get ticked off and cry so Hyperion will give them a call tomorrow and try to find out what the deal is this time. Meanwhile, I’ll have to set up an appointment with the asthma/allergy doc and see if I can be moved to something the insurance company might just, maybe help pay for (normally, I paid a $50 copay for this inhaler).

Oh, the other surprise was that all the medications that were 3rd tier just went up to $60/month. Oh, joy. Guess, I’m a shoe in for the medical tax deduction now.

Is the insurance company making medical decisions by refusing to pay for their share of my Rx? According to them, “No!”. In a near quote what they told me the last time they did this is that they are not making medical decisions because they’re not stopping me from having the medication I need, I just have to pay full price. No one is stopping me from paying for it.

Well, I got news. That is making a medical decision. The insurance company is more concerned with their profit margin than in the people they cover. And THAT, is the reason that we need a public option. Health care should not be entrusted to a for-profit company.

The sad part for the people in this country is that Congress is more interested in getting big bucks for their campaign coffers than serving the people who elected them. The current health care bill is now a useless piece of legislation that is a great windfall for insurance companies at the expense of Americans who are without health insurance. As if stands now, the new health care bill gives corporations everything they’ve asked for and the American people nothing– no public option, no expansion of Medicare, and no coverage of pre-existing conditions. It also mandates that people buy insurance which will not cover their pre-existing conditions with a fine if they don’t get insurance. So, thank you Congress for requiring people buy insurance that won’t cover any of the medical problems that they have and then punish them if they don’t buy this useless insurance in order to afford what health care they can with what little money they have on the health problems they do have.

I’m upset from my experience today. Yes, I am. But I’m even more upset knowing that other people are having an even rougher time that I do. I have health insurance and I still have problems getting medications and care. Nothing that Congress is doing is going to make it any easier for me and it certainly isn’t going help Americans who currently don’t have health insurance or who can barely afford the coverage that they have.

I don’t like to use universal terms such as all women, or even most women. So, I’ll just say when I was growing up I had some problems with the fact that I wasn’t as “pretty” or “girly” as I was told I should be. At a fairly young age, I decided to just be me. It’s mostly worked, except for those days when the niggling doubts and insecurities raise their heads. But as I get older that doesn’t happen quite as often and I handle it better.

However, many young women and girls are still raised with certain expectations and I’m hoping this video will help you look at the word “pretty” in a new way. Hopefully, it will give you a new lease on life and since it’s the start of a new year maybe it’s a good time for Katie Makkai, a veteran poetry slammer, to give us a new definition of the word “pretty”, and to get you thinking about the really important things in life.

Think about and go out and be pretty amazing, pretty witty, pretty darn smart, and anything you want to be.

This is going to be a political and social rant, so those not interested can move along.

Okay, at first the Medical Bill submitted to Congress was not great, but it was a start. Over the months of discussion in the House and Senate, our Congress critters have managed to strip the bill of any utility to the people of this country who were looking to them to help them get medical care. I’ve heard that some members of Congress think that the falling approval of the bill is because it’s taking so long. NOT. The falling approval of the bill among the populace is because Congress has managed to remove everything in it that we wanted.

As it stands now the Senate bill is missing the Public Option, the extension of  Medicare (include 55 and over), the coverage of prior conditions clause, and has added yearly caps on spending. So, now there’s a totally useless bill that gives the insurance companies everything they wanted while giving the people without insurance nothing. Not only that, but health insurance is now mandatory and there’s a penalty for not having it. So, you force people who can’t afford insurance in the first place to get insurance that doesn’t cover anything and then penalize them when they can’t afford to buy it. Great work guys and gals.

And while I’m ranting. What’s with trying to slip the no funds for abortions into this bill. In case you’re not aware of it, abortion IS legal in this country and has been for a while. Suck it up folks. You know you can’t get it made illegal because the American people overwhelmingly want it legal. Trying to  stop it through the back door because you’re afraid of right wingnuts is no excuse to make medical decisions for people other than yourself. Abortion is not something a person does because they have a spare couple of  hours in the day — it is a very serious decision made between a woman and her doctor. Sorry to have to be the one to let you know that Congress is not part of that equation and shouldn’t be either. It seems that getting government off our backs and allowing us choice only applies when we do what you want.

I’ve got a good health care plan. It’s through my husband’s work (I’m self-employed, a freelancer). I’m also a cancer survivor, who also has asthma, allergies, migraines,  fibromyalgia, and arthritis. If we were to lose our current health care plan and had a lapse in coverage (even for one day), none of those things would covered. So, the very problems I have would be ones that I couldn’t afford to have taken care of. We currently pay about $10,000 per year out-of-pocket. That’s just the “medical” stuff that is allowed on our tax form. It’s probably closer to 13,000 if I added in the non-allowable but nevertheless medical costs. Remember that I’m not that ill — not really. I work. I function. I just can’t do a 9-5 M-F work schedule.

On many online forums that I belong to, we’ve been talking some about the health care bill. At first I wanted it passed. It wasn’t perfect but it was a good start and would help a lot of people. Now, I hope it doesn’t pass, or at least not in the current stripped down useless version as it exists now. Now it gives no coverage, and punishes people who don’t pay buy it anyway. Not only that but all the insurance cost are going to skyrocket. What makes me think the insurance rates will go up? The insurance companies said so. Unlike members of Congress, I do read and comprehend what I read. So, we have a useless bill that hurts people, doesn’t do the job, and punishes those who can’t afford this extra cost.

Remember what I said about my yearly out of pocket? We’re lucky. With careful budgeting, we can manage. But imagine those out of pocket expenses on a minimum wage job when you have kids. You can’t. But with the penalties for not getting insured, you be between a rock and a hard place.

So, I’ve come up with a way to see that Congress passes a decent bill that would cover everyone including no pre-existing conditions, a public option, and no caps. Whatever bill Congress passes, their current medical insurance for Congressional Members will be canceled — thus lapsing their coverage (no Cobra guys and gals). And, here’s the clever bit, members of Congress must now get health insurance under the rules and regulations of the bill they just passed. So, guess trying to get health care when it won’t cover your existing health problems will be a bit of an incentive to think about what it’s like for the average American family. Maybe if Congress had to live under the laws they pass, they’d spend a little bit more time thinking about the ramifications of their changes and less about how it effects the corporations who put money in their campaigns.

The older I get and the more I read about our government leaders and watch them in action, the more I believe I’m watching a remake of recess in any playground in America where all the children have been replaced with adults. I’m also reminded that Congress lost their bank because they couldn’t pay their bills, balance their personal checking, or remember to spend less than they had. These same people make the laws for this country — something is wrong with this picture and the mess that has been made of the health care bill doesn’t change my opinion.

America needs leaders. We need people who are dedicated to seeing that our founding documents are respected and followed. That laws are made to make life better for the people of this country. Americans work hard. They give their best and some give their lives to see that this country remains strong, free, and economically viable. The citizens of this country should not be sold out because it just might make a company happy and give them a better bottom line so they give more to help get “me” re-elected. The people of this country deserve better than that.

Besides, whatever made anyone ever think that a for-profit insurance company was the right way to provide health care?  Some ideas are just bad and perpetuating them is just plain wrong.

For once do the right thing. Put the things that the people need back into the health care bill. Stop the childish power plays and vote to give American’s the health care bill they need. And for heaven’s sakes stop the bickering, back-biting, and just plain dirty fighting.

That’s it for now. I could rant for hours but I think in my meandering way, I’ve expressed my dissatisfaction with the childish behavior of our government leaders in the face of real problems that need real solutions.

I got this link a few days ago but finally got to look at it. I laughed and ended up playing it twice. The employees of Providence St. Vincent Medical Center of Portland, Oregon put together this video to promote breast cancer awareness. It just goes to show what a group of people can do when they’re motivated. It’s fun and shows a fun side of the medical community that many people don’t get a chance to see.

While this is not Breast Cancer Awareness month, play and watch this video. Share it with a friend, coworker, or loved one who has been touched by breast cancer or any cancer. Breast cancer has been in the news recently as the screen procedures have been updated and new recommendations that suggest that women between 40 and 50 don’t need regular mammograms. This is controversial because many women in that age group and younger do get breast cancer and early detection is the key in treatment. How that will finally play out is something to watch.

Meanwhile, women of all ages should be familiar with breast self-examination techniques. Do self-exams often, get to know the topography and feel of your own breast so that you can tell when there is a change. Husbands can also help with the exams — hey these are done at home and don’t have to be boring. I’ve read of many cases where it was the husband that noticed the change.

Breast cancer is scary. But videos like this one can take some of the fear out of visiting a hospital. Can you honestly look at these smiling faces and think that they aren’t caring people who’d do what’s necessary for the people under their care. Help them and all medical personnel by doing your bit and taking care of yourself, performing regular breast self-exams and not letting fear keep you from talking to your doctor about your health.

A bit late to say so but it snowed most of Saturday. We didn’t intend to go out but realized that mailing deadlines were approaching and some things just needed to be finished so we could mail them out. So, we got all the odd jobs taken care of on Saturday — driving wasn’t too bad actually as the snow was mostly melted or slush.

Today, we got the tree up and the ornaments on. I’ll post a picture tomorrow. It’s been a quiet day of decorating the tree, catching up on all the volunteer work we’d said we do, and then watching The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe. I managed to nearly finish a Christmas gift.

The cough is mostly gone — I’ll be glad when it’s completely gone but finishing a project — or nearly so just makes me feel that things are looking up.

I’ve been kidding myself and I suppose you all knew that, right?  It’s definitely flu and since I got a flu shot months ago and I’ve got all the symptoms except fever — I’m guessing swine flu.  I have asthma and allergies and the past three days I’ve been forced to use my rescue inhaler.

That doesn’t sound too bad unless you know that normally, I use the rescue inhaler one a month when I go to a meeting that’s at a house with two dogs, two cats, and a bunny (all indoors).  On that evening I usually have to use the inhaler once maybe twice depending on how long I’m there.  Yesterday, I used the rescue inhaler four times.  Today, I searched the house and found my nebulizer, which I haven’t used in about two years.  I’ve managed to keep myself breathing (and I’m saving you from some TMI too).

Tomorrow I hope to get in touch with my allergy doc and see if I’m doing all I can or if I should be doing something else — something to keep me from getting so shaky — I hate the nebulizer, it always leaves me shaky and dizzy but breathing better so useful but not pleasant.

Anyway, if you’re looking forward to the zines going live tomorrow night — they will but with content coming in over the first few days as the staff recovers from illness, computer crashes, and other incidents of severe life experiences.  But believe me we’ve got a lot of stuff lined up to help you with finding new things to read over the holidays and maybe to buy for gifts.

I think I’m going to sit and breathe deeply while I can and enjoy the experience before my chest tightens up again.