Rainy with bits of sun… and rambling thoughts
It’s raining again today. At least it is off and on. I’ve been told that this is the wettest May in 55 years and the month isn’t even over. Flooding has caused a lot of problems and damage in other areas. Here at our home, we’re on fairly high ground. The only problem is that, last week, Paul had to drive an extra 20 miles out of his way to find a route that wasn’t closed off due to flooding in order to get home.
Currently, I’m reading Bring it On by Laura Anne Gilman. The review will be in the June issue of SFRevu. I’ve been having a lot of migraines lately and reading is something I can do with a headache. Can’t think myself out of a paper bag, but I can read. I guess if I concentrate hard enough on the plot and the characters then I can sort of put the migraine to the side. But, if I have to think to write, it comes to the front and next thing I know I’m hugging the porcelain express and wishing for unconsciousness no matter how much medication I take.
Anyway, I’ve read the first two books of this series and really enjoyed them. This is more of the same — convoluted plots, lots of atmosphere, witty people, smart writing, engaging characters, and so well done you’re there watching the story unfold and no one can see you — because you’re the reader.
Along with the rainy weather and up and down barometric pressure, I’ve been doing some thinking about mother’s and daughters. Mom called today and asked what I was doing. So, I explained that I was working on a web site project, getting it revamped and updated with new functions for a professional women’s group. After Mom finished laughing, she explained to me how ridiculous that was, since women couldn’t possibly be professionals or organized so I should just forget it. I realize there is a generation gap every time something like this come up.
Before I left my last job to work from home because of health issues, I did the same job as my husband (computer analyst with some system administration). She was all excited about what he did but never asked for details about what I did. Arrgggh. (Do you sense the frustration?).
Most of the time I can just tell myself that it really doesn’t matter. She grew up in June Cleaver world and I reached for what I wanted. Many times, I was the only woman in the room, on the team, or in the building who wasn’t clerical. I got used to working with so many men–some who didn’t quite know what to do or how to act about this strange creature intruding into their environment. Now, things have changed and where I last worked I think the male/female ratio was about 50/50 at the worker (computer programmer) level. The ratio is much more skewed to men in management and in some areas (hardware and systems administration) but even that it is changing–slowly, but changing.
What I wonder is what do other daughters do when their jobs are belittled by their mothers? I’m comfortable with myself and not defined by my job but it does take up a large portion of my time. I take pride in what I do and would like to say I finished X project and think I did a good job. Even a “that’s nice” would be better than telling me it wasn’t worth doing in the first place. I want to note that I fully realize that my mother loves me, that’s not at issue. It’s just that her definition of a woman’s place is so decidedly different from mine. I’m fully aware that I don’t meet her expectations of what a daughter should be like. There are so many things in my life that I can’t share and I feel sad about that but the only way I’ve found to reduce the stress is to just change the subject to something we can share like our shared love of mysteries for example.
I’m wonder how other women deal with this issue in their lives. Do other daughters and mothers have a problem understanding each other as the roles of women have changed. Have any of you, had to come up with coping strategies for a similar situations? Comments as always welcome…