The World According to Spam…
I’ve been going through my spam again and I started to wonder about the world as spam sees it:
- No one will respect me if I don’t have the perfect watch to match my ensemble. Heck, I don’t even match my ensemble — well, maybe I do … everything works with jeans. Besides I don’t wear a watch … there’s one in my phone.
- Evidently, bank fraud isn’t a crime in the UK or Nigeria since that’s where most of the email urging me to launder money comes from.
- I can lose weight and eat everything in sight if I just use one of the 100’s of products that claim to work. If any of these products worked they wouldn’t need to advertise, word-of-mouth would sell them.
- Somehow my work experience and my college degrees are going to expire … what, the wind of forgetfulness will waft through my skull and remove my memory?
- Drugs of all kinds are available online without a prescription — so why find a dealer in your local area????
- You can make millions of dollars by sending other people money… the mind boggles.
- This week alone I’ve won at least 4 billion dollars with my email address. So send me the check already.
- I’m not going to get into the spam reportedly from women who want my body or to thank me for the wonderful night we spent together (couldn’t have been too great since I don’t remember them any of them and you’d think I’d remember at least one of the 10-30 per night.)
Personally, I find it hard to believe that Congress thinks that trying to control spam is a bad idea because it interferes with legitimate businesses. I don’t get any spam from legitimate businesses, they only send me information that I specifically sign up to get. Since a good chunk of the spam I receive every day is sexual in content, I’d think the government would more than happy to Can Spam since they’re so verbal and vocal about protecting children from sex and sexual content on the internet. Of course these are the same people who won’t authorize a XXX domain so we can just ignore all mail or sites with that extension.
Do people really fall for this stuff? They must or it wouldn’t be so prevalent. But, I have to wonder who reads those notes about “I’m from such and such bank and we have a customer who just died with no heirs and lots of money so how about you claim to be the heir and we split the money?” Yeah, I can imagine that lots of people read that and think, “Gee, what a great idea. I must help that poor bank manager embezzle that money.”
If the world according to spam was real, it would be a shallow sad place to live.